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Chafing gel gets Eric hot under the thighs

The fat of the land

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Tuesday, 16 September 2008

I was lounging on the sofa the other day watching back to back episodes of Star Trek and wondering about the demise of the non-Maya Mesoamerican civilisations (as you do) when I was suddenly jolted from my relaxing reverie by an advert for ‘chafing gel’, a slippery cosmetic application for folk who ‘know the discomfort of chafing’. I almost choked on my yogurt-covered raisins. The shamelessness of it! I can cope with pile creams that don’t mention the anus, winged towels for soaking up clots that never mention vaginas but a slippery gel to oil the grease packed wobbly thighs of monstrous over-eaters that doesn’t mention fat... get real!

Rather than tell people that they are getting too fat to walk without shredding their own skin because of the friction of their saddlebags of lard rubbing agonisingly against each other, rather than telling folk to STOP EATING, rather than telling folk they are greedy and are stupid... they sell them a lube for their legs. So they can keep on waddling to Burger King, Asda or Starbucks to top-up on calorific gorefests full of connective tissue, transfat (poor trans) and sugar.

Don’t you ever get those moments where the whole world suddenly seems to shrink and you find yourself shouting at the top of your voice "this is all wrong, wrong I tell you" before weeping from the utter stupidity of it? No? Well I do, and that was one of them.

Has it become the norm these days to not mention the ‘f’ word? Has greed become so endemic that it’s impolite to call it what it is?

I use the word "fat." I use that word because that's what people are: they're fat. They're not bulky; they're not large, chunky, hefty or plump. And they're not big-boned. Elephants are big-boned. These people are not overweight: this term somehow implies there is some correct weight. There is no correct weight. Heavy is also a misleading term. An articulated lorry is heavy; it's not fat. Only people are fat, and that's what fat people are! They're fat! FAT! Shout it in the street, make sticky labels and attach it to the fat wobbly backs of people in the street, but don’t use it to wound, to hurt or to shame. Just to call it what it is.

Words are more powerful than drugs and the truth sets us free and everyone gets what they deserve.